I totally get that it is normal to worry and wonder about all the weird stuff your body does at the end of pregnancy.. heck the whole time really. I decided to write a little “guide” for my babycenter birth club for shits and giggles. So.. here we go:
I know we are all waddling to the end. I figure I would offer some not-asked-for-know-it-all wisdom.
During the last month of pregnancy it is normal to experience:
1. A desire to harm human kind in any way , for any reason. This includes: chewing with their mouth open, saying things like “more better”, asking how you feel, breathing… You know, annoying stuff.
2. A feeling like someone kicked you in the vag over and over again causing you to hunch over like the stupid men in the crotch/baseball videos from AFV.
3. A feeling like your uterus may just drop to the floor at any moment. It won’t, trust me.
4. “Lightening crotch” – this is your LO’s way of reminding you where they usually come out from… You know, in case you forgot that little tidbit of info.
5. Loads of hip and back pain. Blah blah blah hormones blah blah blah loosening ligaments blah blah. It sucks. Sure, it may keep you up at night because no matter which way you turn… it hurts. Use these special midnight moments to your benefit. I’ve personally been considering methods to embarrass this LO as a teenager. You know… A video clip of her playing with her own poo in the tub… Stuff like that.
6. More discharge. Heck you may lose that mucus plug! Google it if you aren’t sure what it may look like. If you are pissed at your SO ask them to google it for you. Remember losing the plug doesn’t mean you’re going to have your baby in the next few hours… It could but only if you are one of those annoying pregnant women that has her kid in two hours. I personally lost my plug two weeks before having my daughter. Walking around at 3cm is probably more normal than you want to believe.
7. Your boobs have a mind of their own. Heck, my husband barely gets a feel before I try to decapitate him. This is also normal.
8. Random crying. Oh look, a bunny!!! *weeps* or “I’m going to be a terrible mother!” *weeps*. “My husband forgot to bring me ice cream/tacos/chocolate covered pretzels/Oreos!!!!” *weeps*. Again, very normal. You may even experience the “I don’t know why I’m crying cry”
Other things to keep in mind:
1. Trust me… When you are having “for real” contractions you will know. There is a big difference between “ouch, that was uncomfortable” and “WTF?!?! Why do you hate me body?!?!?”
2. If you are questioning yourself about calling your doctor… Just call!!! (and use common sense.). Trust me, they’ve heard it all. “I stubbed my toe! I’m afraid it will harm the baby!” To “I can’t feel my legs, is this normal?”
Here is a guide I follow for emergencies:
- Bleeding – go to the hospital.
- Leaking fluid – go to the hospital
- Extreme dizziness – call your doctor ( and don’t drive yourself )
- Severe nausea & vomiting – call doctor
- Painful urination – call doctor
- Baby coming out – call 911
You know.. Simple stuff.
<3 and above all enjoy these last weeks of “I can’t, I’m pregnant.”