Laiyne September 25th, 2007
Things have been difficult lately for me. Not only difficult but complicated. And, within all of this an old friend of mine came back into my life. Drakenkorin. I was surprised at his intensity at first. He came to help me in Zangarmarsh one day. I was a bit shocked when he kissed me in Underbog. He made it a point from then on to protect me. He asked if I would go with him one day to his favorite place in the world. It was a date. Days later we went to his favorite place in Feralas and I told him my secret. I was prepared for him to walk away. The way he looked at me was so intense that I had to look away from him. He grabbed my hand and offerred himself to me, the sooner the better he said. So that very day we met with Ernaad in the cathedral and were married. He has promised to protect me and love me. I do not question his love or loyalty to me. I believe him, though I know I don’t deserve it. So, now we are looking for a place to call home. We plan on celebrating this weekend and hopefully it will go well. There are still so many things I should tell him but I will wait until the time is right.
Is it wrong for me to so quickly cling to someone? Is it wrong to place your trust in one person fully? Have I not learned my lesson? I blindly gave myself to Malarion and that didn’t turn out very well. Again with Navane and he hasn’t been heard from forever… will the same thing happen with Drake? Am I foolish to give my heart to him and believe he will cherish it? Elune only knows…
Laiyne September 12th, 2007
Motivation has left me. With so much going on around me it seems that all I can do is just sit and observe. I don’t have the desire or drive to run around Zangarmarsh. I know I need to do it. I need to get stronger and fight while I can. I need to find a way to do it. I don’t think I had ever minded being alone before. For some reason now, more so than ever, I dread venturing out alone. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid of death? Am I afraid of failing? I can hardly say. I just need to find my strength again.
At night I try to rest but my dreams trouble me. They are always laced with a feeling of urgency and dread. It’s always the same though… that I can’t protect myself and those dearest to me. I try and I fail. In the end of these dreams I’m not alone… I’m simply gone… as if I never exisited in the first place.
Laiyne August 30th, 2007
All for a dress. Yes, I’ll admit that when Bjorke realized that we had gone all the way into the depths of Dire Maul for a pattern… she looked less than pleased. Probably even less than when I had cast a prayer of healing on the party to which she told me to “Knock it off” It seemed those in our party couldn’t stop with just the pattern. The further we ventured in the more the thirst to fight what was inside became stronger. The first task was to destroy these strange elmental creatures around certain pylons. Then we were able to fight the first boss easily enough… which allowed us to finally challenge the prince. We had heard before we went in that no one had ever challenged him before. The fight was so quick that I can hardly recall. I just remember Kelandros backing him into a corner with a growl. I suppose everything else was instinct.
Later that evening I was able to make the beautiful dress. I would say that the outcome was well worth the effort to obtain the pattern. The dress is beautiful. Now I need to gather enough materials to make one other.
Late in the evening I found myself thinking of the future. What my role would be as a priest in Sterling? How loyal are my guild mates to me? Would they be understanding if they knew? My instinct tells me to remain quiet and keep it a secret. I am ashamed when I think of how others in the guild trust so freely and so many while I remain reserved.
Laiyne August 29th, 2007
The realization of what has happened has put my mind into a much more worried state. I’m not sure what I am supposed to do, or who I can trust… if anyone. Last night with all these thoughts wearing heavily on my mind I finally, exhausted, I fell asleep. My dreams were not comforting to me. I found myself in an unfamiliar but beautiful home. I felt uneasy and found myself running around looking anywhere for someone or something familiar. Instead I found no one. I heard noises coming from one of the rooms so I walked in. Inside were two beautiful children playing on the floor… and as they looked up at me I knew who they were, but they did not know me. My heart sunk. As I stepped away from the room I saw her, looking at me with hatred in her eyes. Her voice was cold and he told me to leave, and never return. In my dream I couldn’t find my voice. I couldn’t ask what to do, or what I had done… instead I felt empty. When I woke my stomach ws in a knot.
I pray to Elune to help me. I know the path I must take, I know what I must do. I only need the strength to do what is needed. I feel so isolated. I must turn my focus again to my training. As I focus on that I will be at least comforted with the knowledge that I can fight. That’s what I always was… a warrior for Elune.
Laiyne August 28th, 2007
It has been a long while since I’ve picked up a pen to write. So many things have happened since an entry has been put into this ledger. I suppose now is a good time to write.
Navane’s absence has taken it’s toll. I don’t think it is so wrong to have lost all hope of his return. To become stronger and not wallow in loneliness has been my goal. I focused on my training and finally arrived in Outland. I have been lucky enough to receive help from several of my guild mates. I am hoping that eventually I will be able to fight by their side, and not behind them. Perhaps this path will lead me to where Elune wants me to be.
Kelandros has been very kind as well, helping me with my first tasks in Zangarmarsh. Teul has been helpful as well and along with Kelandros helped me fund enough money to train on my new mount, Storm. He is a beautiful white saber and seems to go well enough with my features. It’s noteworthy that while we change into shadowform we look the same… what had seemed so pure turns into darkness.
Darkness. Well, now… I met a man in Hellfire recently who told me that I should abandon the dark path I was on and leave it for the path of light. As I stood there he gently but firmly gripped my neck in his hands… and explained to me that as quickly as that, the darkness would take hold of me, changing my person forever. As I calmly stood there I thought of all the choices I had made to get me to this point I realized that this path will not be my undoing. Elune herself has granted me the power and will to use the shadows to further her will. What this man, and many do not know, is that my will has the wisdom of thousands of years. My will can not be broken so easily easily by the path of shadows. I have seen battles and sacrificed much more than just my body… and lived to tell the tale.
Laiyne July 4th, 2007
I’m worried about Navane. I haven’t seen him in weeks. I know I shouldn’t really be worried, he is more than capible of taking care of himself. I have a feeling he had some duties to take care of back at the Exodar. I can’t really ask him to step away from such things just for me. I understand that we all have duties and obligations.
Obligations… well, that is something I’ve been thinking of often. As I reached my 50th rank in training I have started to think more and more about becoming a holy priest. Will I be true to myself and my nature if I follow a Holy Path? Is it so much that I worry about the path as much as I worry about being responsible for the lives of those who fight with me? If people die… it will be my fault. I have found a mentor that will help me, so perhaps he will help me build my confidence.
I’ve also been having these thoughts that, honestly, make me laugh. I’m wondering if in a duel… could I mind control someone to their death? Off a cliff or into a pack of savage monsters? I’ll have to test it out and see.
Laiyne June 22nd, 2007
Everyone had told me I was crazy to give it to him. How often do such legendary items drop? What would Mal think if he knew I had given such a gift to another man. I was determined and stubborn…but I wouldn’t be deterred. I’ll never forget the night I gave it to him and his promise to me. It seemed only right that he gained enough experience in battle in the very place where I found the shield…. Tanaris. We had fought side by side hoping that it would be enough to prove himself worthy of the shield. The smile that formed on his face has he put the shield on his arm and held his sword in the other made me feel different… in a way I can’t describe. I was so proud of him and happy that I didn’t let logic dictate what my heart wanted. My mind wandered to the night in Theramore as we sat together and looked at the moon. I didn’t think a warrior would appreciate the beauty of nature. He surprised me. One would look at him and see brute strength, determination, loyalty and unbreakable will. That night I saw the gentleness and passion the he possessed and realized that while I had grown familiar with it, others would never see this part of him. For the first time in what seemed like eternity I felt special knowing that he only shared this part of his soul with me. No one, outside the two of us, would ever understand what that shield represented. No one would know how we had both tempted fate and even risked our lives to follow our hearts.
(( dedicated to Navane “sand in his armor” ShimmeringStar ))
Laiyne June 18th, 2007
Did he betray me or did I do the betraying? Was it so wrong to have my head in one place and my heart in another? The news I received from Askashia this morning was grave. Feelings of guilt like I hadn’t known flooded me. Mal hadn’t dissapeared. He was dead. Askashia said the details were vauge, but apparently none in his guild survived. I had always felt that what they attempted was near suicidal at times, but they always seemed to find a way through. I suppose this time it was too much. I held my tears until after she left. I can barely understand why I feel so much guilt. Had I treated him unfairly when we were together? I can not even express my feelings fully in my own journal. Part of me had loved him, loved the warrior, the fierceness… but something always kept me from fully giving my heart to him. I know what that something was. And while I may be happy now…. I am afraid the guilt I feel now will tear apart this happiness I have come to depend on. I’m not sure what to do. I just want to hide in my own thoughts… perhaps if I bury myself in training I can block out these feelings.
Laiyne June 11th, 2007
I have reached the point in my training where I have obtained my shadowform. The feeling of finally reaching this point in my life is amazing. I have come to accept that this is who I am. Navane, with his warrior mind, seems to understand my feelings on battle and war better than anyone I have met. With everything that has happened, with my mother dying, with Mal disappearing… I seem to have found myself. At least, for today, I feel that I know who I am. I am not a split soul. I can choose to live my life to it’s fullest, to follow my heart, and not look back to past mistakes.
I’ve come to realize as I accept Shadowminx as part of me… my “self” becomes stronger. I am more aware that she is there. I am more aware that she is lending me her strength, but I am also more aware that much of the strength is my own. The only thing that troubled me was when I was with Kelandros I became highly aware that she is there. I don’t know if she is happy Kelandros is married, happy that he and Mabon are starting their family… happy that he has found happiness after he lost her… I can’t tell really. I do know that for a time, when I was around him I couldn’t ignore that he was there. I felt as if I was FORCED to listen intently. I know that while her own soul aches over the love she has lost she is perhaps glad he does not have to suffer as she has. But something has changed. I don’t feel that intensity around Kelandros that I once felt. I do feel that intensity… but it comes from my own heart and soul… and it’s when I’m with someone else.
Laiyne June 9th, 2007
I met Mal in the afternoon… to finally spend some time with him. Together we climbed to a waterfall in Elwynn and sat to talk. It was hard for me to focus, my mind always seemed to be in another place. When we got to the spot he mentioned that it was where he and his wife had spent time together. I had never really pressed him about his previous wife… I didn’t know much about her at all. The way he mentioned it to me made me feel uneasy. After he left I went into the keep of Stormwind and searched through the records of the Alliance. There she was.. her record still there… not dead, only in hiding. Confusion was replaced with anger. I sought him out… I asked him how it could be possible to be married to him if his wife wasn’t dead… and as cool as an Alterac breeze he said “We can’t” He went on to say he hadn’t seen her for a long time but… it was true, he was married to her… still. I talked to him breifly after that… and told him I could never see him again after this. He nodded in agreement and I walked away. I didn’t look back. It is only now… a few days later… that I heard the news. He is gone, without a trace. Maybe he did that to make it easy for me to keep my promise. I’m not very sure, all I do know is that it’s over.
