Laiyne September 12th, 2007
Motivation has left me. With so much going on around me it seems that all I can do is just sit and observe. I don’t have the desire or drive to run around Zangarmarsh. I know I need to do it. I need to get stronger and fight while I can. I need to find a way to do it. I don’t think I had ever minded being alone before. For some reason now, more so than ever, I dread venturing out alone. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid of death? Am I afraid of failing? I can hardly say. I just need to find my strength again.
At night I try to rest but my dreams trouble me. They are always laced with a feeling of urgency and dread. It’s always the same though… that I can’t protect myself and those dearest to me. I try and I fail. In the end of these dreams I’m not alone… I’m simply gone… as if I never exisited in the first place.
Laiyne August 29th, 2007
The realization of what has happened has put my mind into a much more worried state. I’m not sure what I am supposed to do, or who I can trust… if anyone. Last night with all these thoughts wearing heavily on my mind I finally, exhausted, I fell asleep. My dreams were not comforting to me. I found myself in an unfamiliar but beautiful home. I felt uneasy and found myself running around looking anywhere for someone or something familiar. Instead I found no one. I heard noises coming from one of the rooms so I walked in. Inside were two beautiful children playing on the floor… and as they looked up at me I knew who they were, but they did not know me. My heart sunk. As I stepped away from the room I saw her, looking at me with hatred in her eyes. Her voice was cold and he told me to leave, and never return. In my dream I couldn’t find my voice. I couldn’t ask what to do, or what I had done… instead I felt empty. When I woke my stomach ws in a knot.
I pray to Elune to help me. I know the path I must take, I know what I must do. I only need the strength to do what is needed. I feel so isolated. I must turn my focus again to my training. As I focus on that I will be at least comforted with the knowledge that I can fight. That’s what I always was… a warrior for Elune.
Laiyne May 24th, 2007
Ellessar. I had formed a brief acquaintance with him several weeks before I saw him again last night. The news was grave… Kelandros, Mabon’s intended and my friend is struggling to live. He had fought his uncle, Illidan Stormrage. While we were not given a full account, one can only assume that Illidan yet lives and Kelandros fights to survive. Ellessar seemed reluctant to give the information, but I believe he only feared for his own safety, as well as the safety of myself and Mabon. He finally disclosed the information after quite a bit of prying… One thing he did make clear… only priests are allowed to see him. I felt fury for Mabon, and confusion in myself… was I really a healer? Could I do any good? I stared at my hands thinking of all the shadowy pain I use them for and wonder if I remember how to use them for healing.
My contacts within the Sisters of Elune make it easy for me to gain admittance to a portal where he is. I am not sure what to expect. I carry a letter with me from Mabon, and my hopes that I will be able to help him… if only just a little. I can not help the twinkling of fear that comes into my mind when I think of passing through this portal to Outland… the place where my own mother died, where so many fight, were loyalties are hard to win and enemies are easy to make.
My dreams last night troubled me further… I dare not record them in my own journal. I awoke with a resolve to do whatever I can to help, and risk my life if need be. I will push back any fear I have and replace it with the determination of my people… with the courage of the strongest sentinels of Elune.
Laiyne May 23rd, 2007
A few days after the death of my mother Mal, my hunter, asked me to marry him. We have known each other such a short period of time but I felt no reserve in saying yes. How could I be so quick to abandon what she had taught me? The love Mal shows me is like a breath of fresh air. He assures me that marriage is not a way for men to control women, but rather the other way around. (I must admit I don’t think I control him even if I wanted to) I do not have the opportunity to spend much time with him. He is once of the most fierce hunters in all of Azeroth and is often away fighting enemies that I can not begin to imagine. I take pride in the fact that he is fearless and does what he must. His determination in fighting strengthens my own resolve to continue to fight and become stronger.
My own guildmates are kind enough to let me test my new skills on them. Navane, the drenaei being the most willing to let me beat on him. It isn’t quite fair since he has not trained as long as I have, but still any practice helps. Even the skillful rouges in our guild have let me test my spells on them. I must admit their help and patience with me warms my heart. I hope that with practice when I come against a member of the horde I will be able to defeat them with the skills I have built up with the help of my friends. My friendship with the members of my guild grows each day. Mabon, especially, has been a very good friend. Her open nature and constant stream of conversation are always welcome after a long day of fighting… though I find as the night grows late I long to see Mal more than anyone else.
I must move now from the lighthearted to something a bit more serious… Since the death of my mother my dreams have become more vivid. The places and images are so clear that I’m sure they are real… or once were real. My mother told me that once when I was very young I became very ill. I was to the point of death and my short life was on the verge of ending. She never told me what she did to heal me.. but last night in a dream… I saw. Words can not explain what took place in my dream. I can only describe the agony of my mother’s soul… the determination of her spirit, and the will to bring to pass what she thought was best. In a flash I went from being gone… with a soul not strong enough to support a mortal form… to a burst of light with health and strength that I never knew. She hadn’t healed me, she had made me new. From this moment in my dream I was taken back to a place I had never seen, but in my dream I knew distinctly what it was… Nordassil. In my mind I saw multitudes of wisps protecting that great tree… it was in that great burst of light that I found myself leaping out of bed panting for breath. What had she done? What does the dream mean? Why do I have a feeling that it’s not my own?