Archive for September, 2007

Married?

Laiyne September 25th, 2007

Things have been difficult lately for me.  Not only difficult but complicated.  And, within all of this an old friend of mine came back into my life.  Drakenkorin.  I was surprised at his intensity at first.  He came to help me in Zangarmarsh one day.  I was a bit shocked when he kissed me in Underbog.  He made it a point from then on to protect me.  He asked if I would go with him one day to his favorite place in the world.  It was a date.  Days later we went to his favorite place in Feralas and I told him my secret.  I was prepared for him to walk away.  The way he looked at me was so intense that I had to look away from him.  He grabbed my hand and offerred himself to me, the sooner the better he said.  So that very day we met with Ernaad in the cathedral and were married.  He has promised to protect me and love me.  I do not question his love or loyalty to me.  I believe him, though I know I don’t deserve it.  So, now we are looking for a place to call home.  We plan on celebrating this weekend and hopefully it will go well.  There are still so many things I should tell him but I will wait until the time is right.

Is it wrong for me to so quickly cling to someone?  Is it wrong to place your trust in one person fully?  Have I not learned my lesson?  I blindly gave myself to Malarion and that didn’t turn out very well.  Again with Navane and he hasn’t been heard from forever… will the same thing happen with Drake?  Am I foolish to give my heart to him and believe he will cherish it?  Elune only knows…

Unsure

Laiyne September 12th, 2007

Motivation has left me.  With so much going on around me it seems that all I can do is just sit and observe.  I don’t have the desire or drive to run around Zangarmarsh.  I know I need to do it.  I need to get stronger and fight while I can.  I need to find a way to do it.  I don’t think I had ever minded being alone before.  For some reason now, more so than ever, I dread venturing out alone.  What am I afraid of?  Am I afraid of death?  Am I afraid of failing?  I can hardly say.  I just need to find my strength again. 

At night I try to rest but my dreams trouble me.  They are always laced with a feeling of urgency and dread.  It’s always the same though… that I can’t protect myself and those dearest to me.  I try and I fail.  In the end of these dreams I’m not alone… I’m simply gone… as if I never exisited in the first place.