Betrayed
Laiyne June 18th, 2007
Did he betray me or did I do the betraying? Was it so wrong to have my head in one place and my heart in another? The news I received from Askashia this morning was grave. Feelings of guilt like I hadn’t known flooded me. Mal hadn’t dissapeared. He was dead. Askashia said the details were vauge, but apparently none in his guild survived. I had always felt that what they attempted was near suicidal at times, but they always seemed to find a way through. I suppose this time it was too much. I held my tears until after she left. I can barely understand why I feel so much guilt. Had I treated him unfairly when we were together? I can not even express my feelings fully in my own journal. Part of me had loved him, loved the warrior, the fierceness… but something always kept me from fully giving my heart to him. I know what that something was. And while I may be happy now…. I am afraid the guilt I feel now will tear apart this happiness I have come to depend on. I’m not sure what to do. I just want to hide in my own thoughts… perhaps if I bury myself in training I can block out these feelings.